What February 11-13th Means To Me: Walking Dead Is Back...And It Still Sucks

***If you don't watch The Walking Dead, or haven't seen last night's episode, feel free to stop here***

My favorite show to hate is back for the second half of its second season, and we picked up right where we left off....

Seriously.  This show should be called "The Walking Cliche."  Or maybe "The Walking Archetypes."  How about ... "Humanity Is On The Brink of Extinction, And We're Caught Watching The Ten Most Uninteresting People Left Alive" ? 


When we last yawned, Shane released all of Herschel's pets (walkers) from the barn, only to gun them down in a blaze of glory.  The second half of the second season picked up seconds after this moment, and quickly lead to an argument about whether it was right or wrong to kill Herschel's little side project in the name of "safety."  The Walking Dead has a habit of creating drama out of pointless logic, which is strange considering that the setting is a world of endless drama possibilities that, I guess, they figure don't need to be tapped into. Or they are saving it for a rainy day or something.  In this case, half of the group sided with Shane citing safety concerns.  However, the "walkers" in the barn really posed little threat. We saw them in there, they just wandered around harmlessly waiting for their next dead chicken, like a bunch of hungry lobotomized mental patients. Plus, the barn was locked up. Yet somehow we are made to believe this is some kind of ticking timebomb.  Also, of course, Lori makes this about Carl...because just when things can't get any more annoying..enter Carl!

Please die. You contribute nothing.

Seriously, he is the go-to for annoying.  And his little new subplot about wanting to kill zombies will only lead to a predictable ending.  I just hope the bloodthirsty Carl shoots Lori because that would kill two birds with one stone: 1) creating interesting drama and 2) killing Lori so we don't have to deal with her any more. 

But speaking of...

Lori got into a car accident!  But similar to the barn/walker/safety argument, the writers carelessly created "drama" out of something completely illogical.  Early in the episode, some character I don't ever remember seeing (which is strange considering the location of this season has been stationary) faints, and the group NEEDS to find the absent Herschel so she can suck his old teat and nurse back to health.  But, of course, Herschel is so distraught from Shane's gung ho display, that he escapes into town to drink at the local bar.  Of course, the characters figure out his whereabouts immediately (a leap I'm willing to let go for now), so Rick and Glenn rush into town to bring Herschel back so he can save the day.  But the writers needed for Lori to somehow get hurt.  Since they probably aren't willing to use my idea of having Carl shoot her right between the eyes, they figure a car accident will suffice.  But, hmmm, considering Lori never leaves the farm, how do you get her in the car? Let's go with...hmmm...a really dumb reason!  With this in mind, Lori suddenly panics and gets the overwhelming urge to rush into town to tell Rick and Glenn to...bring Herschel back faster?  Yeah, really, THATS WHAT THEY CAME UP WITH!!!!!!!! She's going to risk her life to tell her husband what he was planning to do anyway.  Would any Walking Dead fan like to defend this one?  Please, do it.  PLEASE I WANT TO HEAR IT. 

On to more bullshit!:

Glenn and Maggie Should Have a Spin-off Sitcom called "The Worst Show On TV"

Is there a couple with worse on-screen chemistry than these two?  I don't buy their relationship for half a second, which caused Glenn and Rick's car conversation about love to be extra painful for me.  Glenn doesn't believe Maggie is in love with him (I wonder why), and Jeremy Lincoln (the actor that plays Rick) can't even do the scene with a straight face. If you're going to spend this much time creating a relationship, at least give them a few things in common other than, I dunno, simply being alive and around the same age. Speaking of unlikely couples...
Would Shane and Dale Just Fuck Already?

Or at least have a duel at 60 paces or something? My God.  By the way, the actor who plays Dale only knows one face.  He should work on a new face.

But just when I thought I was going to change the channel...

Something Exciting Might Be On The Horizon!

NEW PEOPLE!  THANK GOD!  JUST WHAT THE SHOW NEEDS!

Don't worry, Brett, we won't be here for long

And then Rick shot them both within five minutes.  Dead.  Great.  Regardless, the scene was the saving grace of an otherwise shitastic episode and, even though we only knew our new friends for a few minutes, it foreshadowed that we may see more like them.  Smart move.  There's only so much zombie running and killing we can take.  Lets infuse the show with some deranged humans attempting to overtake Herschel's farm.  By the way, what is so special about Herschel's farm?  Earlier in the season, Herschel eluded to the fact that the area was littered with farms, any for the taking.  It's not like Herschel's farm has some medieval brick wall surrounding it.  Though, apparently, there is a never ending supply of food that is never mentioned because explaining that would probably be inconvenient.  Anyway, can we get a reason as to why Herschel's farm is so unique?  Probably not. 

Those are my thoughts. Suck on, Walking Dead!