Thursday, December 27, 2012

Top Five Movies of 2012

Brett likes the movies. 

He also likes talking about the movies. 

Now, top five movie lists (or anything to do with taste) always should be taken with a grain of salt because, generally, we tend to put more value into recent experiences because they are fresher in our minds.  I'm human, so I am no exception, though I truly believe most of the good movies that were released in 2012 came out in December.

With all that said, let's do the TOP FIVE MOVIES OF 2012.

But before we go into the list, just a couple of thoughts on some popular movies I omitted that people may grouse about.

1) Lincoln -  There was once a time when the entire movie going society would engage in a collective nutswing over anything Steven Spielberg attached his name to.  Even if the film was a complete piece of shit (A.I., for example), we'd follow our thoughts on the movie with a litany of excuses that suggested we probably didn't love it simply because we were too stupid to get it.  Steven could do no wrong, after all.  This line of thinking has gone by the wayside, but Lincoln deserves its due.  It's both beautifully written and directed, and has some of the most memorable performances of the year.  My main issue with the film is that it didn't know what story it was telling.  It vacillated between an interesting political movie on how Lincoln manipulated congress to end slavery and a biopic.  Yeah, we all know Lincoln gets shot while watching a play, but that's neither here nor there within the context of the movie.  So why show it at all?

2) Django Unchained - Cue the annoying Tarantino fans!   Listen, the guy is extraordinarily talented. I get it.  He makes unique movies.  I'll fully give him that.  But there's a reason this fuck is still single.  He's so fucking in love with himself that no one will ever be able to match up.  I've long thought Tarantino writes his movies with his right hand on the keyboard and his left firmly grasping his wiener.  And every other sentence he looks over his shoulder as if someone is standing behind him admiring his work.  And, to me, it shows in virtually every scene of his movies.  I just can't get past it. Also, thanks for putting your fat ass in the movie.  Try a salad.  Again, he's very talented.  I'm just sick of his "smartest guy in the room" routine. 

3) Les Mis - Didn't see; don't care.

Ok, so now that we have that settled, let's get to the top five. 

5) Perks of Being A Wallflower - I first read this book while killing time in my old office many moons ago.  It's a short book you read in one sitting and then rush to tell friends about.  I honestly don't remember much about the book other than it affected me emotionally (and something about the Rocky Horror Picture Show), but I'll say the movie did a great job of pulling at those same exact strings.  A great coming of age story in an age where coming of age stories are growing epically tiresome.

4) Argo - Cue the Affleck haters!  The many many Affleck haters!  Yeah, yeah, I don't give a fuck if anyone could have played the main role in this movie, or if Affleck looked nothing like the main guy in real life (when he filled out the rest of the cast with lookalikes), it's incredibly tough to make a gripping thriller when the audience already knows the outcome, but he managed to create those edge-of-your-seat moments anyway.  Ben Affleck has officially become a director whose movies I'll see simply because he directed them.  I'll be first in line if he ever releases a movie called "Watching Paint Dry."  And, of course, he has my vote when he runs for President. 

3) Life Of Pi - I'm a sucker for well-done movies where humans and untamable (Is that a word?  Is now) animals become friends.  I can't even think of another example, but well, it's a good formula.  You've all heard the accolades for this movie: "A visual triumph!"  "A masterpiece for the senses!" and it probably deserves all that.  It's a well told story that's as emotionally satisfying as it is visually, even if they skipped over a very important detail: Where did the tiger shit?  And don't give me this crap bout the tiger sticking its ass over the side of the boat.  It's a tiger, it wouldn't do that.  And if Pi was deathly afraid of the tiger, and spent most of his time on his makeshift raft next to the boat, then no one could clean the tiger shit.  Yet the boat remained immaculate.  No shit anywhere to be found.  That's the first question I would have asked Pi while picking apart his story.  Regardless, you can't go wrong with this movie, though I'll bet you'll be thinking about tiger shit while watching it now. 



2) Silver Linings Playbook - Admittedly, a tailor-made Brett movie.  But it delivers.  In fact, it's worth seeing for one scene alone which will make you forgive Robert Deniro for the slew of shitty movies he's starred in over the past decade.  Yeah, the film hits all the cliche indie notes, it might feel a bit familiar, but it's worth it. And kudos to Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper for pulling this one along.  It may have dragged in lesser hands. 

1) Zero Dark Thirty - It's hard to make a 2 hour and 45 minute movie that you don't want to end.  I'm not ruining anything, Osama Bin Laden dies at the conclusion of the film, but I probably could have watched the main character do a victory lap for another 30 minutes where everyone who ever doubted her shook her hand and told her she did a good job.  Kinda like that scene at the end of Armageddon where William Fichter requests to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man he's ever known.  But seriously, it's difficult to find a movie where not even a second is wasted.  It's perfectly paced and incredibly tense even though, similar to Argo, you know the conclusion before even stepping into the theater.  I really thought The Hurt Locker was overrated (Bigalow's last movie), but Zero Dark Thirty delivered everything you could possibly want in a film.  And that's why it's my top movie of the year.


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