Friday, December 9, 2011

What December 9th Means To Me: December Movies

December is a fantastic time for movies.  All the Oscar bait rolls out, the feel good, distracting Christmas shit is released.  I figured I'd review the movies coming out this weekend, even though I haven't even seen one of them.

New Years Eve -

Description New Year's Eve celebrates love, hope, forgiveness, second chances and fresh starts, in the intertwining stories told amidst the pulse and promise of New York City on the most dazzling night of the year.

Review:   An entire movie that suggests the world is the first floor of Macy's during December.  While I'm sure the movie is shallow crap, I suppose there's some value in shallow crap this time of year, considering much of the holiday season is...shallow crap.  We all rush to stores to buy people presents, not because we really want to, but society dictates that we do, so most of us exchange tons of gifts with little thought behind them.  But, hey, 90 minutes of a world where the snow is never black, where people smile every second, and we all fall in love?  That does seem better than real life, so ummm...hooray for New Year's Eve?  Bah.

The Sitter

Description: When the world's most irresponsible babysitter takes three of the world's worst kids on an unforgettable overnight adventure through the streets of New York City, it's anyone's guess who's going to make it home in one piece.

Review:  I don't know if Jonah Hill is thin in this movie, but I've completely lost interest in Jonah Hill as a comic actor the second I saw him thinner.  Yay for health, bad for business. I think I liked Adventures In Babysitting when I was younger, this is obviously some reboot of that, but I noticed it's only running 20 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, and I'm all too often swayed by public opinion.  If 80 percent of the critics thinks it probably sucks.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Description: Based on the classic novel of the same name, the international thriller is set at the height of the Cold War years of the mid-20th Century. George Smiley (Gary Oldman), a disgraced British spy, is rehired in secret by his government - which fears that the British Secret Intelligence Service, a.k.a. MI-6, has been compromised by a double agent working for the Soviets.

Review:  The feel good movie of the year!  I hadn't heard of this movie until two minutes ago, but Gary Oldman is cool, so there's that.  Since I have no input, I do have a question.  Last night there was a premiere for that movie Angelina Jolie is directing at the theater alongside my gym.  Near the red carpet, there was this sectioned off area for fans to gawk, many of them having Angelina paraphernalia.  My guess is they stood there for hours cheering and whatnot.  I guess I just don't understand this mentality.  I'm not going to suggest that meeting someone famous can't be a cool experience (I still get star struck by athletes), but what is the benefit of standing like cattle for a few hours on the off chance you get to glimpse a celebrity walking the red carpet?  Are these people under some kind of delusion that Angelina would walk over, strike up a conversation, and invite them for dinner?  What's even the story you relay to other people?  "Well, last night I went to the premiere of whatever and just stood outside for hours and watched people walk the red carpet.  Jealous?  Oh, and I shrieked and cried a few times too."

Young Adult

Description: Charlize Theron plays Mavis Gary, a writer of teen literature who returns to her small hometown to relive her glory days and attempt to reclaim her happily married high school sweetheart (Patrick Wilson). When returning home proves more difficult than she thought, Mavis forms an unusual bond with a former classmate (Patton Oswalt) who hasn't quite gotten over high school, either

Review:  I like Charlize Theron, and love Patton Oswalt and Jason Reitman, so count me in if I can find time for it this weekend.  I'm also a nostalgic butthead who probably secretly wishes for a second chance at high school (so I could change EVERYTHING), so perhaps this is right up my alley.  And, judging from the trailer, the word "cunt" is probably used a few times, and I do enjoy that word.  So, yay. 

Thats it!  Have a good friday. 

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