Thursday, December 15, 2011

What December 10th-15th Means To Me: I Forget (So How About Some Google Searches!)

Because many details about everyday life are interesting, I often come up with things I'd like to blog about throughout the day...then subsequently forget them when it comes time to sit in front of my computer.  I remember small subjects, like why I always spit in the urinal, but these are hardly worth a blog post.  So, until I remember, how about another addition of "How Did You Find Brett's Blog: A Post Dedicated To Random Google Searches That Lead You To My BS Ramblings."

Some from this week:

1) Sweden Vacation Fucking:   If looking at what searches lead to my blog has taught me anything, it's that too many people think Google is their pimp.  I'm not sure what to say other than whatever I posted probably didn't give you any insight on how to get laid on a Swedish vacation, in fact, nothing I write will probably help you get laid anywhere.  Though I have to wonder what kind of information this person was looking for.  Was he expecting to find a website dedicated to places where loose Swedish women (there's no way a female plugged this search term into Google) are just waiting to be it was some "tourist destination" only known by the locals?  You know, like in the movies, when the wide eyed, innocent American tourists find this guy...

So, who wants to see the Real Sweden?

...and he takes them to some den of iniquity where the dress code is topless?  Or perhaps I'm way off and "Sweden Vacation Fucking" is some newly invented sexual position all the kids are doing, and I'm too old and lame to know about it..speaking of...

2) Fuck I'm Old: This exact term was searched 5 times last week.  There's a lot of sad people coming to this realization and, of course, turning to their old friend Google for some sage advice and some sympathy.  I haven't bothered to see what pops up if you type in those three words, but I assume a bunch of Viagra ads and perhaps a nudge to an Ensure website.  But speaking of, I'll share a little story about the time I realized I was getting old:

I was about a month away from my 30th birthday, and was watching the movie Lucas, you know the one starring a young Corey Haim.  In the movie, these crazy locusts visit the town and Lucas explains to his wanna be girlfriend that the locusts come once every twenty years.  And I think the characters discuss where they might be the next time the locusts visit.  I thought about the writer of the movie and how, when he wrote the scene, 20 years probably seemed like an eternity. Then I realized 20 years had already passed since the movie had been released, and that I was alive the entire time.  For whatever reason, this caused a panic attack and I lost my breath for a while.  So, yeah, Fuck I'm Old.  But I probably will never type this into Google. 

3) Get Laid Height:  Ahh, this is the height I want to be.  I wonder what the "get laid height" is....6'3"?

4) Kate Middl: Were you just too lazy to type the rest? 

That's all for now!  I think next time I come up with something good to discuss, I'll actually write it down so I'm not staring at my blank screen wondering how to discuss spitting in the urinal. 

1 comment:

  1. In re: #3-Get laid height is 6'2''. It has always been the "sexiest" height in my opinion. :)