1) Basic Brett Fail
This is becoming an alarming issue. Sunday morning, I went to my local Starbucks to buy the biggest, most powerful venti caffeine IV to combat exhaustion that can only be earned from three hours sleep. While on line, the gentleman paying for his order in front of me turned around and asked, "Hey, what are you getting? It's on me."
I immediately found this odd; how often does a complete stranger offer to buy you coffee? Perhaps I looked incredibly tired and therefore he had sympathy, I wasn't sure, though never really believed that anyway. But the Jew in me overrided my senses, and I took him up on the offer, though I neglected to also ask for the blueberry scone I had my heart set on because I didn't want to seem greedy. Thus, I remained hungry. Scone fail. Hunger fail. Stomach fail. All fail.
Anyway, while we are waiting for our drinks (which took way too long), he engaged me in all too friendly conversation about my iPhone and my weekend, and while humoring it all, I'm also wondering why in the world is this guy being so nice. Finally, after some small speech he gives about how much he loves working so much, I asked him what he did for a living. He looked at me curiously, responded and, suddenly, it hit me. There was a reason he gave me a strange look, and there was a reason he was being so friendly. The reason? He's told me what he does several times because, duh, we've met several times. That's generally what happens when someone is your next door neighbor. And he probably bought me coffee was because I actually gave him a set of speakers I wasn't using only a couple of months before. Once again, here's someone I met a handful of times and I didn't recognize him.
|Fly high, Brett, fly high|
This is not a case of me being lazy or not paying attention when I speak to someone, I just have lost the ability to place people I don't know that well out of context (even people I consider friends). I know I'm not the only one at least, a number of months ago, while killing time before a movie, I picked up some Nora Ephron memoir from the Barnes display table and opened to a chapter where she discusses a similar problem...except, at times, Nora doesn't even recognize her sister. We're doomed! At least she's rich.
2) Society Fail
I'm convinced humans are scared of one thing above all else. It's not death, it's not heights, it's not tigers, its not crime. Humans are deathly scared of being wrong, or more specifically, admitting they were wrong. I'm going to use a sports example, so please do not roll your eyes. Anyone who has given NFL football even a passing glance this year is keenly aware of the Tim Tebow situation going on in Denver. But for those who haven't: Tim Tebow, quarterback for the Denver Broncos, has been a divisive figure since his first NFL pass, with numerous commentators calling him an embarrassment to quarterbacking and guaranteeing that he'd have no NFL success. Seven weeks later, since named the starter, Tim has led a pretty bad Broncos team to a 6-1 record, often winning games in heroic fashion. It's been historic and unprecedented. And after every win, I'm excited to see what these blowhards have to say about their one time "guarantees." So, each post-victory Monday morning, I open up my web browser, all...
..as I'm ready for them to turn the page and admit, God forbid!, that they were wrong. I'm ready for the mea culpa. I'm ready for them to say, "Hey, this kid can play a little, I'm a fucking moron!" But...Nope. Not even a little. They keep changing the argument to support their original point even though all evidence suggests otherwise.
There's something about the competition in sports that brings out the worst in people. For some reason, it's something we all take all too seriously, as watching sports conjures an all too raw emotional response. This weekend, I tried explaining this to someone I don't know very well, and who didn't understand why people cared so much, and I probably just wound up looking like a fanatical jackass in the process. We take so much pride in our allegiance and our stances that, inexplicably, we form finite opinions we refuse to change. In the end, we all look dumb. There are better things to worry about, but, generally speaking, we could all diffuse a lot of arguments by simply saying, "I was wrong." Humans are incredibly imperfect. We should be admitting this every second of every day. I'm not sure why its so hard to do that.
The girl behind the counter at the California Chicken Cafe on Melrose now starts ringing up my order before I even say a word. This is now the 7957348579358 restaurant that does this. I really need to start mixing up my choices.
4) I'm Old
I think the true measure of adulthood is not getting married, being a parent, or having some high ranking job...it's losing the ability to sleep in. It's so sad that the backside of 8:30 AM is now considered a late sleep for me. Even if I went to bed at 4am the night before.
5) Once The Amazing Race Ends, What Will I Do On Sunday Night?
I guess take really long walks?