Thursday, May 24, 2012

What May 23rd-24th Means To Me: How You Found My Blog

Been a while since I did a "How You Found My Blog" post, so I figured it was time since I don't have anything else to discuss.  You know the drill: I go into the blog analytics and find some of the odder search terms that lead to my blog. Here's a past example.  Always good for a few lulz.  Let's go.

Without Nipples, Boobs Would Be Pointless:

Ah, the fine conclusions us humans come to! Well, I suppose the man does have a point, but I have to wonder what inspired the search.  Did he just have an encounter with a nippleless woman, didn't enjoy the experience, and came home to see if he could find any likeminded people?  Did Google wake him up in the middle of the night with the suggestion of sleeping with a nippleless woman?  And this was his response?  Regardless, I would love to know what post on my blog this search lead to. 

Little Girls Vagina:

The only thing more disturbing than this search term... is the fact that it somehow lead to my blog.  Not only that, but the person responsible for it actually stayed on the blog for a while.  Congratulations Brett, you sure know how to entertain the pedophiles.  

On a related note, here's another search:  Arya Stark Is Sexy.

Now come on.  For those who aren't familiar with Game Of Thrones, this is Arya:

C'mon, I know I'm cute and all, but I'm like 9.

This is why we can't have nice things.   Though I wonder how Arya would even react if someone called her sexy.  Probably order Jaqen to kill the person.  And while I was looking up Jaqen's name on Wiki, I saw a spoiler.  Fuck me. I can't win. (I also just looked at the actress's age; she's actually 15...which shocked me, but regardless, she's too young for such searches!)

Noah Is A Dumb Cunt:

Hmmm...what, oh, what did Noah do?  Do you think this is a religious person who maybe was just attacked by a random animal?  And they are cursing Noah for placing it on the ark several bazillion years ago?  Then again, religious people generally don't toss around the term "dumb cunt." And if they do, that's a religion I would consider following. Well, whatever Noah did, it certainly sent some angry youngster to the interwebs with some venom. Now, I know what post this lead to: the one about my old roommate Noah firing blowdarts at me while doing homework in college.  Which would make him a dumb cunt for doing so. Or maybe "Noah" is just the aforementioned chick without nipples. 

The Khaleesi Naked:

You've been warned, perverts of the web! (That search actually came up several times, even though I don't have any pictures of the Khaleesi naked on the blog.)  But thanks to the graphic nature of Game Of Thrones, it is confirmed the Khaleesi has nipples.  After all, what else would the dragons suckle from! (even though they only do that in the books.  There are still some things too sensitive for HBO.)  There was also the Why Doesn't Someone Just Take The Khaleesi's Dragons search.  Can we have this person arrested for treason?  This might be worse than the pedophile. 

Clever Smart Sexy Dumb Stupid:

An appropriate search term for this blog!  Maybe just the dumb and stupid part.

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