Friday, January 6, 2012

What January 6th Means To Me: Another Edition Of "How You Found My Blog!"

There's a lot going on in politics these days, the Republican shitshow primaries have started (and are already entertaining), the economy actually seems to be gaining a bit of steam (200,000 jobs this month...a better sign), but each time I write about politics, most of your eyes just completely glaze..  And I suppose you have a point.  You could just read the New York Times or capable political bloggers for any sort of meaningful insight. 

I'll stick to what I'm good at: 

Meaningless, annoying noise
On that note, on to the fun!

So, in case you don't know how this works, I dig into the blog's stats page and discuss some of the Google searches that lead wayward readers to my humble musings.  And there are some good ones this week, so let's begin! 

1) Skin Flaking In Anal Region

Dr Brett says ...

Use more lube? 

I often get these medical searches and feel bad when these frustrated people find themselves on my blog.

As far as this one is concerned...all I can say is that I'm really sorry.   I wonder if the searcher got excited when they saw the title of my blog and was all "FINALLY!  A WHOLE WEBSITE DEDICATED TO MY FLAKING ANUS PROBLEM!"  Then they clicked it and was subjected to my BS.  However, I think "skin flaking in the anal region" is probably a fantastic metaphor for my writing.  Either way, because of what I just typed, I look forward to finding a "FLAKING ANUS PROBLEM" search in the coming weeks. 

2) I'll Pick You Up At A Whole Ordeal

I'm with you, Blanche
I can't even begin to imagine what this person was searching for.  I thought maybe it was the title of some indie movie I hadn't heard of.  But when I cut and pasted the phrase into Google, guess what was the first thing that popped up?  Me!  (I win!)  Then, I thought maybe this was something that a person meant to email a friend ("Cool, we're on for Saturday night?  Should I drive? I'll pick you up at a whole ordeal!"), but mistakenly put it into a Google search. 

3) This Girl Named Whitney Long Blonde Hair With Blue Eyes And Works

I have no clue who this person is searching for, but I hope its some random girl he stood behind in line at Target.  Like I picture this dude staring at a beautiful girl and thinking, "how can I talk to her..what's she buying? Maybe I can start up a conversation about that...toilet paper? Hmm...I could suggest a softer brand, but she probably doesn't want to hear about the skin flaking in my anal region." Then her phone rings and she answers, "Hey, it's, I can't, I have to work today."  And with that, she was out of his life.  To the Google, he thinks!  After all, what's not to love? She has long blonde hair (woo!), blue eyes (woo!)...and a job! (triple woo!).  I'm sure he'll find her. 

4) Fuck Old People Hard

I don't want to know.

5) Fuuuuuck You Denmark You're Gay

C'mon, Dad, stop using Google.

It's just weird to me that someone would type in that search. Like, if you had a negative experience in Denmark (and judging by all the U's, let's assume they did), why not type in "bad experiences in Denmark" or even "Denmark sucks."  Then again, maybe the guy standing behind Whitney in line at Target was named "Denmark," and that's just her response to him.  She's mean.

6) Brett Sills Sucks

This Weeks Most Popular Search? 

 "Zack Morris." 

Still got it

Have a great weekend everyone.


  1. That is my favoritest Michelle Obama gif ever. And yes, favoritest is a word.

  2. I know right? it makes me laugh every time. I wish I could use gifs in real life conversation.

  3. I'm only a little embarrassed to say I just stared at it for about five minutes. gifs in real life conversation would be the greatest. Although my friends would probably want to stab me.

  4. ha! i assume my friends want to stab me half the time anyway, so bring on the real life gifs

  5. Fuck you, LA!

    Denmark :)

  6. My latest google keyword is: pizza flavored lube.

    Sounds kind of good. #pms

  7. ick, that's nasty. Also...#pregnant? :)


    Who said the person was from LA!

  8. Haha, I dunno... just an assumption :)