Thursday, May 31, 2012

What May 30-31st Mean To Me: Letters From The President

It's not uncommon for me to get letters from the President Of The United States. Yeah, ya know.

Yeah that guy. My buddy.  Though anyone who has ever given money to his campaign gets the same letters.  Generally they are flowery and somewhat presidential, but this one was sitting in my inbox this morning:


subject: Hey

Brett --
I need your help today.
Tonight is the May fundraising deadline, and it matters.
Please donate $10 or more before midnight:
Thank you,


I think he's one step away from kidnapping my family and asking for a ransom.

I'm gonna go ahead and safely guess that Barack doesn't get the chance to review every email "he" sends out, but you'd think his organization could do better than the above.  But if you're gonna send a threatening email in hopes I send you a whole 10 bucks, might as well make it scare me.  Maybe like the below:


Do you want to die? 
Tonight is the May fundraising deadline, and it matters. 
Because if you don't donate, you are essentially killing my campaign. Single handedly.  You.
Do you know what happens then?  If I lose?  Asshole?
Worldwide destruction.  You know Mormons...

Just gimme your fucking 10 dollars.  Lets avoid the bullshit. 

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