Friday, May 4, 2012

What May 4th Means To Me: Avengers

I don't know how much money The Avengers will make this weekend, but let's assume the number is somewhere around eleventy billion.

I hate comic book movies.  Wait, no, I really fucking hate comic book movies.  I find them all to be variations of the same bullshit, hackneyed storyline, and there's some strange disconnect within my brain once I see a superhero suit. It's my kryptonite, so to speak.  I cannot pinpoint exactly why this happens, but mostly I feel the rules of superhero movies are silly and arbitrary.  Yeah, I know it's "fun," and I need to "suspend disbelief," but I often do for zombie movies or alien attack movies.  Those movies are generally grounded in some kind of reality based on our own fears of apocalypse and our insecurity due to our delicate nature.  But superheros in spandex fighting overly human, evil warlords from galaxies far away? Humans developing superpowers from spider bites?  I'll pass. 

So, you'd think that Avengers, a movie featuring an all-star team of suited-up superheroes I couldn't care less about, would be the ultimate movie in Brett fail, right?

Well, it SHOCKS me that I'm actually going to say this but...I liked it. I know, right?  All two hours and thirty minutes of it (well, mostly).

The movie breaks no new ground.  At all.  I think it actually has the same plotline as 85 percent of the comic book movies out there.  Shitbag from Planet "We Must Destroy Everything" comes to Earth to steal an energy source because, for some reason, even though humans are much less technologically advanced than our other-worldly adversaries, we seem to possess something they always want and need. In this case, it's a radioactive cube of something that looks like a glowing piece of Ice Breaker gum.  And it's powerful enough to open a wormhole for alien armies to invade.  Why do they want to attack Earth? A grudge? Because humans are so super awesome? Just because? Well, anyway.  It all transpires much how you would assume, they have some big battle in New York City (duh), they win, world's saved, everyone's happy, we all go home. Then, of course, (stay for the credits) some nefarious force alludes to sequel when he claims he will attempt to conquer Earth at a later date. (it's really just a lot of code words for "we want to make more money!")

This movie is basically for the fanboys.  Ever wonder who'd win in a fight between The Hulk and Thor?  You'll find out.  How about Iron Man and Thor?  How about Captain America against Iron Man?  How would it look if they all actually worked together?  You get the point.   Lots of cool fights, action, all that shit I normally don't care about, but suddenly found interesting.  But the thing that carries this movies is its stars.  Whether its Downey Jr's quips, Mark Ruffalo's understated nature, Jeremy Renner's steely gaze, or Chris Evans's noble nature, director Joss Whedon actually achieves what I thought would be impossible: a harmonious mixture of strong personalities that could have very well turned into film gridlock.  Each characters gets a chance to flex their muscle, while not taking away from a crisp storyline that is affective in moving the film along, even if it's not original. 

I don't think this movie would necessarily compel me to watch another version (though I wouldn't be against it), and it definitely wouldn't convince me to watch more flicks about each individual character (though I'm sure we'll see many), but if it's two hours of loud action and a few laughs you're looking for, I will safely assume you will not be disappointed.  It won't change your life, won't hit an emotional chord, and you might not remember it by Monday, but it's a lot of fun.


Have a good weekend!  I'm off to Belgium on Monday for a week to do God knows what.  I should have planned something, but I didn't, though hopefully I'll have some interesting to blog about.  And let's hope it doesn't rain near as much as the forecast predicts. 

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