Sunday, May 1, 2011

Would They Go To Islands? Subject One: Kate Middleton

I want to introduce a fun (hopefully), new recurring subject for the blog.  Actually, an incredibly important subject that explores whether or not certain people would like to join my friend Jenn and I for a weekday lunch at our favorite Hawaiian themed neighborhood chain eatery, Islands. 

For those who do not live in CA, NV, CO, AZ, or HI, or are unfamiliar with the restaurant, ISLANDS is a typical kitsch chain similar in quality to TGI Fridays or Applebee’s.  Actually, I’ll just copy and paste their carefully worded description from their website:

Who Needs Hawaii?
“Islands Restaurants was founded in 1982 with a basic philosophy – serve great, fresh food with friendly service in a fun atmosphere. Entrepreneur Tony DeGrazier had a vision of a restaurant that would offer a simple, original menu featuring gourmet hamburgers, specialty drinks and a fun, tropical theme. In fact, he wanted to recreate the dining experiences he had in the 1960s while stationed in Oahu with his Navy buddies.”

Oh, and does it ever.  Each time I go to Islands and someone later asks me where I went to lunch, they respond: “ugh … why?” like I personally offended them.  Then follow it up by squinching their face and saying “Islands” in such a way that suggests just the word itself produces gas pains and nausea. Regardless of its apparent uninspiring menu, Jenn and I eat there once a week as one is conveniently located near work, and we enjoy the simple food underneath the “cabana” while watching surfers on the few HD screens nearby. 

And sometimes during these visits, we wonder who might enjoy accompanying us.

So, hmmm, how about the world’s newest princess, Kate Middleton?

"The highlight of my trip to LA," she'd no doubt say
Kate just enjoyed the wedding of a lifetime.  In fact, over two billion people watched her get married (either in person or on television) in what has to have been one of the most, if not most, lavish weddings of all time.  I can’t even imagine what its like date high royalty for eight years, but I figure in that time she grew accustom to opulent restaurants, first rate cuisine, and a certain expectation.

Having said that, Kate Middleton was not groomed for this lifestyle.  In fact, from what I understand, prior to her family’s financial success, she was raised solidly middle class.  Considering this, I’m sure she was treated to a number of home-cooked meals, but also special nights out at neighborhood chain restaurants where the family could split burgers, fries (or fish and chips), and perhaps a laugh or two. And maybe Princess Kate is nostalgic.  I can imagine her eating a burger, slumping back in her chair, and mumbling “ahh, this reminds me of my childhood” in between chews.  Plus, I’m confident she’d admire the fake palm trees and beach décor on the walls considering England is far from tropical. 

But why would a princess waste her time with people like me and Jenn?  I mean, really, who are we? Well a princess is supposed to treat her subjects with respect, and even though we do not live in England, I do not believe she’d scoff at our offer considering it would be a genuine one.  Plus, we could inform her that Jenn is actually the FourSquare mayor of that Islands, therefore making her royalty in her own right.  I’m not saying it’s comparable, but really both have equal power, which is to say nothing more than bragging rights.  Plus, Jenn and I enjoy discussing world events (mixed in with a discussion about poop or two), so perhaps we could entertain Kate with mostly intelligent conversation.  

Regardless, I strongly feel her highness would enjoy the homey feel of Islands as it may remind her of simpler days, days when she strolled the streets without notoriety, days when she dined with just her family.  Though if she required privacy, I’m sure we could reserve the booth in the back that’s out of view of most patrons.


HER PREDICTED ORDER:  The Greek Salad.  But I think she’d politely ask Jenn if she could have a fry or two.  And hopefully she wouldn’t find a screw in the fry basket (sadly, this has happened.)

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