Friday, March 2, 2012

What February 29th-March 2nd Means To Me: I'm Cooking

Hide the women and children, I'm engaging in dangerous activities. 

Not that this is a news flash, but eating out is expensive.  It's probably my favorite thing to do in the world, but I suppose doing it every single night is a bit excessive and unnecessary.  So, for the first time in my entire life, I've decided to actually go to the grocery store for more than just popcorn and Coke Zero.  Oh yes, watch out gas bill, you're about to go up over 5 bucks a month because I actually plan to turn the stove on. 
But, on that note, two things always scared me about cooking.  Yes, scared me. 
1)  I would somehow poison myself
2)  I would burn the house down.

Thank you, Beavis

So, with this fear still embedded,  I've started slow. No stove yet, no gas.  I know what you're thinking, but no crockpots, no George Foreman grill (yet).  Even slower. 

Operation Sandwich

But, please, even that one pictured is way too complicated for me.  And I don't eat bacon. Well, unless it's of the turkey variety, but regardless, it's not on my sandwich. But, hey, it's a start. The problem with sandwiches are that they are never very exciting. My mother used to send me to elementary school with a turkey sandwich everyday, and I'd generally pick at it out of guilt until I felt it was the right time to devour the Oreos.  But, one day, I discovered this magical instrument called the toaster and my world was changed. 

I'm a man who loves crunch.  If I can't have my bread toasted, I generally stuff my sandwich full of Baked Lays to achieve a maximum, audible eating experience.  This was why, in 1999, I was elated to find a sandwich shop in Cheyenne, Wyoming that actually toasted the bread.  I was so excited by my small town discovery that I called my buddy in New York to tell him about this ingenious idea from this place called "Quiznos."  Yeah, I had never seen one up until that moment. Laugh all you want.  Ironically, I don't like Quiznos nyway, though I did during that magical summer day...but I digress.

What I do like is that my personal toaster toasts the Denver Broncos logo into my toast, not only making my sandwich tasty, but also provinding the experience an extra dash of excitement.  It's like when your mother used to cut the crust off your PB&Js. 

In the coming weeks I'll try more complex eats than sandwiches, and perhaps I'll even get the Foreman grill and battle with the possibility of salmonella. But, before I get too crazy, I should probably buy a few pots and pans first.


  1. Foreman on its way!

  2. Hurrah! You can do it! (And no, I'm not talking about setting your apartment on fire! :P)