Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Top Five Things I Love About This Random Family

I just got back from spending an awesome week in Austria, and, on the return leg, had the pleasure of a six hour layover at London's Heathrow airport.  Those that know me best (or even not well at all), understand there's no sarcasm there.  I love airports. I love layovers.  I love malls.  I love eating. I love singing the "I like to stop at the duty free shop" song from Seinfeld.  It's all perfect.  But, during the 4th hour, after what seemed like my seventh trip to Starbucks, I sat on a bench and stared aimlessly into nothing (boredom can happen anywhere, after all).  That is...until I noticed the seemingly normal family of four sitting in front of me. 

And oh how they amused me for the next 30 minutes. 

Oh, and yes, the following post contains pictures.  Which means the following post proves I can be an effective stalker.  Though I'm sure I'm not alone.  Haven't we all pretended to write a text while actually snapping a pic of what's in front of us?  My general method of choice is to pretend my phone isn't getting a signal, furrowing my brow like there's some sort of problem (because who takes a picture when they look frustrated) and then pretend to hit some buttons after I actually take the picture, followed by the lowering of the phone like the problem has been rectified.  Ya know, all perfectly normal. 


Here's the TOP FIVE THINGS ABOUT THAT FAMILY SITTING IN FRONT OF ME.  Or maybe...Top Five Reasons This Family Is Great Birth Control. 

5) Playing Games

I know that picture seems innocent enough, and at the time it was, but my sixth sense told me something interesting would soon happen.  Well, that and the fact he had just shook the red and blue "lines" of the simple toy like he was holding the bars of a jail cell and desperately wanted to be released.  I didn't even know it was possible to break those toys, they seem so secure in the wood, but well, he managed.  Then went on his merry way to terrorize anything else he could.

4) Yes, Child, Go Play In Traffic.

Normally, when a young child sprints into a throng of strangers, much like a dog dashes across a park when it sees a squirrel, a parent's reaction is to run after the child or, at least, call after them (you know, in that tired way parents do).  The Dad of my favorite family's reaction after his daughter pointed at something in the distance and ran towards it, far out of sight?  Well, a simple glance in her direction and then....

Ain't no thing.

3) This Seems Like A Nice Place To Sit

Two things about this picture: 1) excuse my finger, I was laughing while taking this one.  I'm not exactly the worlds best spy.  2) Notice where the daughter is sitting, and the legs coming out from behind her.  See em? Yes, she's sitting on her brother's head. 

Now, look at Mom. 

I love this picture.  And, unfortunately, this blog doesn't come with sound effects, otherwise you would have heard him SCREAMING.

2) Eventually...

The mother finally intervened with a light "stop it," to which the kids natural reaction wasn't just to remain silent and sit politely.  No, that would be easy and would make far too much sense.  Their reaction?  To stand in front of their mother, simulate farting noises, annoy the shit out of her, and give Brett some lulz.  It involved a little dance, lots of fart sounds, and a few childish giggles (from both me and them). 

The greatest regret of my entire vacation was not getting the camera out of my pocket in time to snap photo evidence of this display.  But you can more or less imagine how it went.  I did, however, capture a picture of Mom after the children dispersed.

By the way, notice the person in the upper right hand corner of the pic.  That just struck me as funny.  I have no clue what she was doing. 

1) And finally...

Just when I noticed that my gate was posted and open, and I was ready to leave, I saw Mom and Dad give a cursory glance to the flight board.  The kind of glance that suggests they know the news can't be good.  Then they looked at each other as the father glumly said, "only two more hours" in the most resigned tone you can imagine. The mother sighed and nodded. It was all she could do.  And off I went.

Thanks for the entertainment, family of four.  Children are gifts, aren't they?

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