Friday, October 19, 2012

Top Five Best Things About Being Sick

I have a cold!

Achoo.  And yeah, it sucks.  Duh.

But even though I'd obviously prefer not to be sick, it does have some advantages.  So here's my TOP FIVE ADVANTAGES TO HAVING A BAD COLD.

5) It's An Excuse For Everything.

"Ah, I can't think straight.  Bad cold!"  "Oh man, I'm so tired, this cold is wrecking me."  "I've written such a shitty blog, fuckin' cold."  But seriously, if you're walking around sneezing and blowing your nose every few seconds, people generally have a little sympathy for you and don't expect you to operate at 100 percent.  I embrace this and totally use it as an excuse whenever I can. 

4) Discovering People's Cracked Home Remedies

When you're sick, everyone has a solution.  Some have the generic "have you taken vitamin C," while others fire back with "just drink some tea," as if that will do anything.  But then some others lean in close like they are about to share a classified, state secret, "you know what need to do.  Take a bath in rose pedals, then run naked through the streets with just your socks on, that's important, then eat a box of wheat thins, and the cold will be gone by morning. Trust me."   It ALWAYS ends with "trust me."
3) I Love To Sneeze.

There are few feelings in the world better than a good sneeze.  In fact, mine are so intense that I'm surprised I don't lift off the ground.  I first started getting allergies when I was about 18 or 19, and those were special days because I learned how to force a sneeze.  I think the first day I discovered this talent, I sneezed like 90 times in a row and spent the next 20 minutes lightheaded.  I guess sneezing is my drug of choice.

2) Nyquil

Is there anything better?  No. 

1) It Gets Me Out Of Going Out. 

I can be a natural loner, but I have been making more of an effort to do things out of the house if I'm invited.  That said, sometimes I literally have to drag myself through the door, and then try my best to keep a positive attitude when all I wanna do is sit on the couch.  So if I get sick and it gives me a GOOD excuse to do nothing?  Well, that I embrace.  Like a couple of years ago, I had a bad cold on Halloween.  Nothing made me happier because I had a legit excuse to skip the socially annoying holiday.  And, listen, I know no one cares whether I do something or not.  It's not about that.  It's so I don't have this inner conflict with myself about whether or not to go out.  If I have a bad cold, I get to skip the mental tug of war.  The cold is the trump card.

It's a good question.  Have a good weekend. 

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